It's amazing how you can feel both at the same time. Be a mom to a teenager and a toddler and you will know what I mean. I fear because at times I think or feel like I'm not the best mom I can be. That said I'm not sure what else I can do. I feel calm when they are both asleep lol. It allows me time to sit back and appreciate having them in my life. Like marriage vows, good times and bad.
With the teen I just don't know how to help her. I want to sit back knowing I have done everything I possibly can, and that she needs to learn herself. But fear takes over and I can't. I want the best for her. I'm not a comparison parent, at least I try not to, but I see parents with kids who work hard for their good grades, they are helpful and do good things. Why can't I be like that? Or what have I done to be on such a different path?
I want her to want the best for her but I have to put fear aside and let the cards fall where they may. Knowing that mistakes can always be corrected. Whatever will be will be. I will love her and put my faith in god.
As for the toddler, he is finally making some amazing strides. Food, he is eating FOOD! Now for any parent of a 21mo eating is normal but not for mine. It's only now that he has shown interst in it. And finally he is trying to repeat words we are saying. Nothing makes me happier.
Monday, May 6, 2013
Friday, April 26, 2013
Content
I'm not sure what's bringing on this feeling but for some reason I feel very content today - and I'm not complaining. Content. That's how we should always be, and sad that we aren't. We struggle like many people do but I'm trying to come to terms with that and make the best of things. We have each other and we have a great support system in the friends around us. That's where I need to keep my focus. Eveything else will fall into place.
My house isn't a TOTAL disaster leading into the weekend. Have I mentioned its the weekend? AND best of all there is nothing planned.
Matthew has been doing well. Still not where he should be with speech, but he's getting there. Sadly we seem to be hitting the Terrible 2s - not looking forward to that stage on top of the Terrible Teens hahaha.
Hallie has adjusted well to being in a new school this year and has made some good friends. She's at such a critical time when it comes to grades and I'm not sure how to motivate her. We've tried everything and its just not working. I wish I could just shake her to make her listen but she's a teen. Been there done that.
As far as Kieran and I go .. our bumps lately seem to be little ones. I've been trying to work on the Love Dare and incorportate some of my own ideas here and there and it seems like its working. At least I'm seeing some positive responses, and surprises from him.
I don't think I've really mentioned it before but I've joined the Scentsy Family and sell the wickless candles https://laurasullivan.scentsy.us/Scentsy/Home let me tell you its harder than it looks but for the most part I'm enjoying it. Its pushing me out of my comfort zone, which isn't easy. Sometimes I feel frustrated trying to book parties but I'm taking it all in stride. If its meant to be, it will be. In the meantime I'm going to have fun with it and enjoy the amazing products!
Trying to focus a little more on myself, and its so not easy. As a mother and wife we tend to put everyone else before us. Still haven't made it to the gym but instead focusing on the food I'm putting in my mouth. It sucks that eating better is so costly :( And for the nights that dinner isn't "healthy" I watch my portion sizes. Like for instance, this is going to be dinner probably on sunday ... Salisbury Steak Yum! Normally I'm not a fan of the frozen kind but this sounds like something we may all eat. Plus now that the weather is warming up I want to take advantage of it and be outside as much as we can so the slow cooker will be getting a work out again!!
My house isn't a TOTAL disaster leading into the weekend. Have I mentioned its the weekend? AND best of all there is nothing planned.
Matthew has been doing well. Still not where he should be with speech, but he's getting there. Sadly we seem to be hitting the Terrible 2s - not looking forward to that stage on top of the Terrible Teens hahaha.
Hallie has adjusted well to being in a new school this year and has made some good friends. She's at such a critical time when it comes to grades and I'm not sure how to motivate her. We've tried everything and its just not working. I wish I could just shake her to make her listen but she's a teen. Been there done that.
As far as Kieran and I go .. our bumps lately seem to be little ones. I've been trying to work on the Love Dare and incorportate some of my own ideas here and there and it seems like its working. At least I'm seeing some positive responses, and surprises from him.
I don't think I've really mentioned it before but I've joined the Scentsy Family and sell the wickless candles https://laurasullivan.scentsy.us/Scentsy/Home let me tell you its harder than it looks but for the most part I'm enjoying it. Its pushing me out of my comfort zone, which isn't easy. Sometimes I feel frustrated trying to book parties but I'm taking it all in stride. If its meant to be, it will be. In the meantime I'm going to have fun with it and enjoy the amazing products!
Trying to focus a little more on myself, and its so not easy. As a mother and wife we tend to put everyone else before us. Still haven't made it to the gym but instead focusing on the food I'm putting in my mouth. It sucks that eating better is so costly :( And for the nights that dinner isn't "healthy" I watch my portion sizes. Like for instance, this is going to be dinner probably on sunday ... Salisbury Steak Yum! Normally I'm not a fan of the frozen kind but this sounds like something we may all eat. Plus now that the weather is warming up I want to take advantage of it and be outside as much as we can so the slow cooker will be getting a work out again!!
Wednesday, April 10, 2013
Suriving a Pre-Teen
Seriously, I'm not sure I can anymore. I love my child to death but I'm at the point where I'm not sure what to do to make things better. The rolling of the eyes, the sucking of the teeth. Answering back. Not listening.
We've had talk after talk. You have certain responsiblities - not as many as other kids we know at that.
We've punished. We've taken things away. We've tried to reward but nothing seems to change.
Man I really hope this is just teen-angst.
Oh yeah - this weekend we are shopping for a Confirmation dress. Be prepared for WWIII.
We've had talk after talk. You have certain responsiblities - not as many as other kids we know at that.
- do well in school
- clean your room, which includes laundry & vacuuming
- clear the dishes after a meal
- load/unload dishwasher
- take out garbage
We've punished. We've taken things away. We've tried to reward but nothing seems to change.
Man I really hope this is just teen-angst.
Oh yeah - this weekend we are shopping for a Confirmation dress. Be prepared for WWIII.
Monday, April 1, 2013
Health
I really wish I had the motivation some people do. I WANT to get healthy but for one reason or another eating right and exercising are not things I stick with. If I don't see changes happening I give up. But its time to stop that. I'm going to be (eeek) 40 in a month so its time to take charge. Every monday I say I'm going to start WW up again ... I get to about Thursday and that's it. So instead Im going to take it one meal at a time.
My husband has dropped a ton of weight just by not drinking soda - yes you can imagine all the words I had for him over that! So not fair! That weight loss has motivated him to get out and walk now that the weather is warming up. Now that I won't be doing THAT by myself will be a motivator. If only we could get Matthew past the "I won't stay without you" stage we'd be all set to go to the gym.
The other thing I need to work on is my PCOS and seeing how I can get my body to work right. Even if it isn't for the purpose of having a baby, I want to be healthy. I want my body to work to its potential. I'm starting using Metformin again tonight .. so here's to hoping! I need to dig out my thermometer so I can use Fertility Friend to its potential.
My husband has dropped a ton of weight just by not drinking soda - yes you can imagine all the words I had for him over that! So not fair! That weight loss has motivated him to get out and walk now that the weather is warming up. Now that I won't be doing THAT by myself will be a motivator. If only we could get Matthew past the "I won't stay without you" stage we'd be all set to go to the gym.
The other thing I need to work on is my PCOS and seeing how I can get my body to work right. Even if it isn't for the purpose of having a baby, I want to be healthy. I want my body to work to its potential. I'm starting using Metformin again tonight .. so here's to hoping! I need to dig out my thermometer so I can use Fertility Friend to its potential.
Friday, March 1, 2013
The Love Dare
Be completely humble and gentle; be paitent, beaing with one another in love. ~Ephesians 4:2NIV
So I'm doing something I haven't done in a long time - I'm deleting posts. Personally I'm still working on the Love Dare but have decided that while its a positive thing the actual process of sitting down and writing about it bring back negative memories that I would prefer to put behind me and move forward.
Its a little difficult to fully complete the dare when your other half is working long hours, which was the case when I started this.
Love is built on two pillars that best define what it is. Those pillars are patience and kindness. Patience makes us wise. It does not rush to judgment but listens to what the other person is saying.
If you've never heard of the Love Dare google it - I promise it worth your time and will do nothing but help you and your relationship.
We have gone from a major bump in the road to having a pretty good time with each other. This bump has caused me to be aware of how I speak and act.
I've noticed changes in him too so I'd like to think that its a result of my change in behavior. Only time will tell!
So I'm doing something I haven't done in a long time - I'm deleting posts. Personally I'm still working on the Love Dare but have decided that while its a positive thing the actual process of sitting down and writing about it bring back negative memories that I would prefer to put behind me and move forward.
Its a little difficult to fully complete the dare when your other half is working long hours, which was the case when I started this.
Love is built on two pillars that best define what it is. Those pillars are patience and kindness. Patience makes us wise. It does not rush to judgment but listens to what the other person is saying.
If you've never heard of the Love Dare google it - I promise it worth your time and will do nothing but help you and your relationship.
We have gone from a major bump in the road to having a pretty good time with each other. This bump has caused me to be aware of how I speak and act.
I've noticed changes in him too so I'd like to think that its a result of my change in behavior. Only time will tell!
Thursday, February 28, 2013
How to help
So as I stated in my last post -- most often mom's put themselves last. Right now I'm trying to do that but not do that, if that makes sense lol. I'm trying to work on my marriage and work on my parenting skills ... as well as improve myself. I need to lose weight. Its not just a "thing" anymore. I'm almost 40 and really, if I want to make sure I'm around to see my kids grown up and live happy, fulfilled lives, then I need to start taking better care of myself. Guess I shouldn't have had that McD's for lunch, huh? In my defense, I had a Nutrigran bar for breakfast and needed comfort food for lunch.
I looked up a few parenting books on Amazon last night and came up Mean Moms Rule. I'm only a chapter or two into it and so far she's hitting the nail on the head. I know I've been the "friend" mom for too long and that's not what H needs. She needs a mom. She needs rules. Some things are out of control and only I can change them. Right now I'm not liking the things I'm seeing so new rules need to be established. But what's wrong with me? Part of me is unsure how to do that.
ETA: I think this is a good book but as I got further in its really meant to start for younger children, not exactly how to help with teens. But I'm taking the basis of the book and trying to run with it.
The other aspect of my life that needs work is my marriage ... now who knows who's actually reading this blog or not. Its linked from my FB page so technically anyone can happen upon it. And he only way I'd know is if someone mentions it, which is ok. Its why I'm putting it out there.
We're in a rough patch. Everyone goes through them. Right? Right? *sigh* Truth is we've had alot of rough patches, more than I care to admit to. Alot has happened in 4 years and I guess now that the dust is settling reality and stress set it. H & I moved to K's apartment, K & I got married, we moved into our current apartment, had a baby. House hunting up until recently. I have to be honest, a good number of our fights has to do with my parenting style, or in his words, my lack thereof. I never intended to be that way. Part of me thinks that I had to do it for so long on my own that I'm enjoying having someone else make the decisions. And that can't be. He's right - I'm the parent. I need to be making the decisions and he should be backing me up. But how exactly do i do that? In my own childhood there were never major rules or repricussions. I remember bringing home bad grades and being scared, but I don't remember any major punishment from it. There was nothing to lose because this was prior to the cellphone days. Maybe I coudn't talk to friends on the phone for a few days, but that didn't last long. He grew up in a strict house so things were different. How do we come up with an equal balance? That's what we'll find out on this journey.
Tomorrow is March 1 and I've decided to Fireproof My Marriage by doing The Love Dare. If you've never heard of it or seen the movie (which stars Kirk Cameron from Growing Pains) I highly recommend it! We actually happened upon the movie by accident. K picked it up in Walmart all because there was a fireman on the front and the graphic looked interesting. We were totally surprised by what the movie was about - to the point where we both agreed that it should have been shown in Pre-Cana vs what we had to endure.
Tomorow begins Day 1 ....
ETA 3/14): having a husband who, to an extent, works opposite hours that you do, makes doing the dare a little challenging. This is going to take more than a month to complete - in some ways. I may end up jumping around in order to complete something often. I am taking the "say nothing negative" to heart especially after some recent events that occured.
I looked up a few parenting books on Amazon last night and came up Mean Moms Rule. I'm only a chapter or two into it and so far she's hitting the nail on the head. I know I've been the "friend" mom for too long and that's not what H needs. She needs a mom. She needs rules. Some things are out of control and only I can change them. Right now I'm not liking the things I'm seeing so new rules need to be established. But what's wrong with me? Part of me is unsure how to do that.
ETA: I think this is a good book but as I got further in its really meant to start for younger children, not exactly how to help with teens. But I'm taking the basis of the book and trying to run with it.
The other aspect of my life that needs work is my marriage ... now who knows who's actually reading this blog or not. Its linked from my FB page so technically anyone can happen upon it. And he only way I'd know is if someone mentions it, which is ok. Its why I'm putting it out there.
We're in a rough patch. Everyone goes through them. Right? Right? *sigh* Truth is we've had alot of rough patches, more than I care to admit to. Alot has happened in 4 years and I guess now that the dust is settling reality and stress set it. H & I moved to K's apartment, K & I got married, we moved into our current apartment, had a baby. House hunting up until recently. I have to be honest, a good number of our fights has to do with my parenting style, or in his words, my lack thereof. I never intended to be that way. Part of me thinks that I had to do it for so long on my own that I'm enjoying having someone else make the decisions. And that can't be. He's right - I'm the parent. I need to be making the decisions and he should be backing me up. But how exactly do i do that? In my own childhood there were never major rules or repricussions. I remember bringing home bad grades and being scared, but I don't remember any major punishment from it. There was nothing to lose because this was prior to the cellphone days. Maybe I coudn't talk to friends on the phone for a few days, but that didn't last long. He grew up in a strict house so things were different. How do we come up with an equal balance? That's what we'll find out on this journey.
Tomorrow is March 1 and I've decided to Fireproof My Marriage by doing The Love Dare. If you've never heard of it or seen the movie (which stars Kirk Cameron from Growing Pains) I highly recommend it! We actually happened upon the movie by accident. K picked it up in Walmart all because there was a fireman on the front and the graphic looked interesting. We were totally surprised by what the movie was about - to the point where we both agreed that it should have been shown in Pre-Cana vs what we had to endure.
Tomorow begins Day 1 ....
ETA 3/14): having a husband who, to an extent, works opposite hours that you do, makes doing the dare a little challenging. This is going to take more than a month to complete - in some ways. I may end up jumping around in order to complete something often. I am taking the "say nothing negative" to heart especially after some recent events that occured.
Comparison
Its something we do too often. Or at least its something I do to often. We compare ourselves to other wives, to other mothers. We compare our kids - even if its not out loud. Comparison is always there. I wish I could blog more or be a better writer like others are. And I swear I come up with some pretty amazing things to say - but usually it happens when I'm doing something with the kids or laying in bed. Then by the time I'm at the computer everything is gone.
One thing I'm truly discovering is just how hard life is. How hard it is to balance, to do it all, to make everyone happy. And as most moms do, I'm last. For the most part I really am ok with that. Ever since I can remember I've wanted to be a wife and mom. Its just when you are 6 years old you really don't understand what that all entails. Maybe that's because my mom made it look so easy.
There are times when I have to say now to H when she wants something because we just don't have the money for it. Times are so different - she'll ask why yet I have no memory of asking my mom why I couldn't have something. I do remember going to Burger King on our walks to the milk store and having her buy me, as a treat, a hamburger and small fries. Nothing for her. At the time I was young and thought she didn't want anything. As an adult, I'm more aware of financial constraints and know how tight things were. But she made it work without me ever knowing. Sadly, I'm not sure I've achieved that part of things.
All my life I've heard marriage is hard work but its not until you are actually committed to someone do you realize its much more than that. There are times where I'm not sure we'll make it and that scares the hell out of me. I wait such a long time to be married and lived on the roller coaster of love before that. Even though we'd known each other for so long, when it "clicked" for us, I knew. Just like everyone always said, I knew. I knew this was the man I would marry. Like all relationships I think people change - sometimes for the better, sometimes not.
The unknown is scary. Doesn't matter how badly you want something, it doesn't mean it will happen.
Somewhere along the way I've stopped being the kind of parent I intended to be. I became lazy, just said "yes" because it was easier. I want so much more for her than I had - but the reality is that's about ME, not her. I have to find a balance to have HER find what's best for her and realize what SHE truly wants out of life. My fear is she'll realize that too lage. The reality is - if that's how it happens, then so be it. I can't control the friends she is around or how they act, no matter how I try. Nor can I affect the influence they have on her.
So here I sit, trying to re-evaluate my life and figure out the next steps. I'm not willing to give up on what I've fought so hard to get. But when do you know, enough is enough? That you've done all you can do.
One thing I'm truly discovering is just how hard life is. How hard it is to balance, to do it all, to make everyone happy. And as most moms do, I'm last. For the most part I really am ok with that. Ever since I can remember I've wanted to be a wife and mom. Its just when you are 6 years old you really don't understand what that all entails. Maybe that's because my mom made it look so easy.
There are times when I have to say now to H when she wants something because we just don't have the money for it. Times are so different - she'll ask why yet I have no memory of asking my mom why I couldn't have something. I do remember going to Burger King on our walks to the milk store and having her buy me, as a treat, a hamburger and small fries. Nothing for her. At the time I was young and thought she didn't want anything. As an adult, I'm more aware of financial constraints and know how tight things were. But she made it work without me ever knowing. Sadly, I'm not sure I've achieved that part of things.
All my life I've heard marriage is hard work but its not until you are actually committed to someone do you realize its much more than that. There are times where I'm not sure we'll make it and that scares the hell out of me. I wait such a long time to be married and lived on the roller coaster of love before that. Even though we'd known each other for so long, when it "clicked" for us, I knew. Just like everyone always said, I knew. I knew this was the man I would marry. Like all relationships I think people change - sometimes for the better, sometimes not.
The unknown is scary. Doesn't matter how badly you want something, it doesn't mean it will happen.
Somewhere along the way I've stopped being the kind of parent I intended to be. I became lazy, just said "yes" because it was easier. I want so much more for her than I had - but the reality is that's about ME, not her. I have to find a balance to have HER find what's best for her and realize what SHE truly wants out of life. My fear is she'll realize that too lage. The reality is - if that's how it happens, then so be it. I can't control the friends she is around or how they act, no matter how I try. Nor can I affect the influence they have on her.
So here I sit, trying to re-evaluate my life and figure out the next steps. I'm not willing to give up on what I've fought so hard to get. But when do you know, enough is enough? That you've done all you can do.
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