Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Messy Beautiful Love

I can't begin to tell you how excited I am to be involved with the launch of Messy Beautiful Love by Darlene Schacht.  #MessyBeautifulLove

Marriage is hard work.  Mistakes will be made, we're only human after all.  Darlene is all about showing us how to clean up those messes in God's way.

In the meantime, check out the amazing pre-order freebies (worth over $50) she's offering here.  The actual book release will be on Sept 16th and can be purchased from

I just received an early copy and can NOT wait to truly get started.  I may or may NOT have put the kiddo to bed slightly early so I could start skimming over all the great stuff!


Friday, August 22, 2014

Christian Wife

You expect to change as you grow older but I never envisioned how my faith would change. I grew up in a typical Irish Catholic household. We went to church every Sunday (although my dad didn't because as he put it, it was HIS day of rest since he worked 6 days a week. I went to Catholic school. I had God "shoved down my throat" or at least that's how it felt. I have to say in reading about Christian's upbringings I wish Catholics were more that way. God was to be feared, you didn't really hear "God loves you" often. It was more the nuns drilling into you how you would be punished if you sinned against him.

As I got into my teens years my faith waivered. I didn't have a desire to go to mass anymore. It didn't make sense and I never felt like the priest was talking about anything that had to do with ME.

When I had my daughter I tried to change how I did things and started to go to mass every Sunday with her. We said our prayers before bed and that was about it. There were no (obvious) books out there about how to raise your child believing in the good in God. Ok well maybe there was but I wasn't really looking for them and to be honest, I felt I had so much time ahead of me to instill faith in my child.

Fast forward to almost 5 years ago when I married my husband. I thought thing were going to be amazing. Here was a man I finally felt was my partner. Who acted like we were in this together, unlike how I'd felt in previous relationships. The wedding was everything I dreamed it would be.

Everyone talks about how marriage is hard work. Boy is THIS an understatement.  I don't think I've ever worked harder at anything in my life.  In the beginning things went smoothly, but as time went out we showed our true colors.  As anyone knows, in the beginning of any relationship we are always on our "best behavior" and what the other person to see our best side.

Within the last year I've found myself turning back to my faith and praying more and more.  Just after we did our precana requirement we accidentially rented Fireproof.  My husband saw it in Walmart and bought it purely based on the cover, not knowing what it was TRULY about.  It was probably one of the best mistakes we could have made.  The moveie, and the Love Dare in particular, have stuck with me since.  A few times since then I have worked on the Love Dare.  Unfortunately, I've never made it through the entire way because at some point we've ended up fighting or he did something that made me mad.

Because I enjoyed Fireproof, I liked the page on FB, as well as Kirk Cameron's Page.  That led me to Candace Cameron's page ... it was right around the time that Balancing It All came out.  I was drawn to the book in a way I could never described.  It resonated with me.  Could I do this?  Could I be THAT kind of wife?  I'll admit it did feel very 1950s.  But the more I read, the more I realized that wasn't true.  It had more to do with putting your marriage and husband first above anything else.  Maybe that's why I struggled with the Love Dare because I wasn't fully giving myself to God and my husband.  Like Candace, I struggled with HOW to pray.  No one every truly taught me that, aside from actual prayers to be said.  I've since learned how put myself and what I "need" into prayer.  I've learned to tell it like it is, so to speak, in my prayers.  I've learned to be specific, which is hard because it almost feels like I'm being selfish.

Candace's book lead me to the The Time Warp Wife and again, at first this seemed so foreign.  I'm a very outspoken person so it didn't feel natural to let my husband "lead" without giving my opinion.  But maybe that's what was wrong in our marriage.  Two people can't be leaders.  Its hard, so very hard to follow his lead.  Follow his direction when I don't always agree 100% with it.  I need to remind myself that he has our best interest at heart.

I'm currently reading my way through Courtney Joseph's Women Living Well.  Its hard, but marriage is hard work.  Its helping change the way I approach my husband.

That said, it doesn't mean I'm perfect now.  That everything I say or do is right.  I sruggle day in and day out. 

Last night I was at my breaking point.  We have been in the midst of moving for the last month.  Intially my husband was working his day job and then coming home at night to do the reno on our new apartment.  Then we dealt with the actual move.  Because of the time spent on the apartment he had to play catch up at work.  We barely see each other.  I'm left to finish moving the remaining small things, care for a 3yo and a 14yo, try to keep our new home clean, make dinner oh and did I mention I have a full time job outside of the house?   I feel like I'm doing everything on my own.  I get no help from anyone and especially no thanks.  I blew last night.  I bit my tongue to a large entent but my 14yo had to bear the brunt of my frustration. 

I'm not proud of myself.  I wish I could give her everything she wants, but when I do, I feel there is no appreication for it.  We are struggling with various things.  Struggling to give her the best life possible and I feel like (as any normal teen would I guess) she doesn't appreciate it. 

Now I go back to my reading.  I can't necessarily fulfill the Challenges in the book at this moment (seeing as how DH isn't HOME lol) but I'm still reading and praying.

Tuesday, July 8, 2014


I'm so excited we are moving into a 3br apartment - finally, more space!  We plan to be here a few years so while we won't be doing MAJOR renovations to it, we'll be redoing the kitchen and painting to make it our own. 

PLUS the best part is Little Man will finally have his own room - now let's just hope he sleeps in it!

When you walk into the apartment you are in a small square foyer which will become our "dining area".  To the right is the kitchen, which will be completely gutted.  Right now Little Man discovered he can talk to people as they are passing by ....

Next up you have the living room ... the floors are badly stained so no amount of sanding will save them.  We'll just put carpet down.  The rooms are slightly smaller that what we currently have so we may have to reconfigure our couch, which thankfully is a sectional.

Checking out the long hall leading down to the bedrooms.

Unfortunately our bedroom and LM's do NOT have closests in them.  So Hubs will be building a cloest for LM.  We each get one of the hall closests and the first will be a coat closet.

Again - alot smaller.  Our hopes of a King Size bed have most likely gone out the window.  But we'll make due. 

Next up is LM's room ... I honestly can't wait to get my hands on his room the most!  He has been in our room since he came home from the hospital so this will be the first chance I get to truly decorate a little boys room!  Naturally daddy wants a sports theme room.  Fine by me - it will just have to be equal football and baseball!

Bathroom is nothing exciting.  We'll just paint and chaulk to spruce things up.

Last but not least - Big Sisters room!  This was an add on to the apartment, the took over a storage room from the basement.  The floor needs to be properly reinforced and then a rug put down.  We need to figure out bedroom furniture (we had promised her a new set, only now the SIZE of it may change after actually seeing the room).  I'm hoping we can keep one side a closet and make the other a desk/make up area.

Friday, June 27, 2014


I feel like some days all I do is wish for something someone else has.  I bumped into a co-worker today (she's on a different floor from me) who was pg when I was pg with MM.  She's pregnant.  :(  Yes I wished it were me.  I hated that it wasn't me - at least "as well". 

Summer has begun and school is out - I'm wishing I had gone into teaching so I could be home with my kids right now.  I absolutely LOVE summer and wish I were able to spend long glorious days at the pool just enjoying them both.  Plus it doesn't help that these days MM continually asks "leaving me?" when I drop him at the sitter.  Talk about dagger in the heart.

But being envious of others is something we all do - even if we don't admit it out loud.  Changing it would be easy if I could just get pregnant by snapping my fingers, like some can.  And quitting my job.  Both would give me what I want most - but at what cost?

Its so hard to play the balancing act of working mom.  If i'm home, I'd rather be at work.  If I'm at work, I'd rather be home.  I'm envious (there's that word again) of those who have jobs that allow them to work from home and I guess most importantly, do what they love the most.

In the meantime, I need to make the effort required to have QUALITY time on the weekends and evenings.

Monday, June 16, 2014

Crossing off the Bucket List - Feed the ducks.

And it begins .. it wasn't a biggie (and I need to remember to sit down and try to plan out some of the biggies) but it was something.  The weekend was absolutely perfect weatherwise so on Saturday we took advantage of it and took a ride to a nearby pond to feed the ducks.

I'll add pictures later because it was hard managing MM and the ducks/geese AND taking pictures.

MM had absolutely the BEST time.  Early on in our walk we came across a momma duck and her babies.  MM would throw the bread and say "here momma, for you and babies" "here momma".  He may be a hand full at times but lately he has been showing this sweeter side more and more often.

H is the best big sister and helped me by standing near MM when feeding the ducks - for some reason my jogger decided to have a mind of its own and kept rolling away even with the breaks on.

MM was in heaven as we walked around the pond constantly on the hunt for more ducks to feed.  This momma wasn't too happy when we came across the geese.  They scare the bejeezus out of me and are so damn fast.  No matter how we tried to throw the bread in the opposite direction, they continued to come at us and FAST!

Friday, June 6, 2014

Summer Summer TIME!

(title said to the tune of Will Smith's song)

Its my most favorite time of the year.  Yes I love Christmas time ALOT but I live for the warm weather.  I only wish I didn't have to work so I could truly enjoy it and my kids more.

Last year I found a "Summer Bucket List" (as did most people) and I was so excited!  How in the world did I NOT think of this myself *smackhead*.

Having such an age difference between my kids means having to balance what we do.  Some for the big, some for the little.  Although I will admit that I do feel guilty doing stuff like this because I don't want Big to thing she missed out on something.  Kinda like how I feel with Elf on the Shelf (in my defense they didn't have that 14 years ago!)

Truth be told we are having a bit of a rocky time in our family right now - I guess teen years are fully setting in.  I'm truly having one of those - I feel like a crappy mom - stages right now.  So while I deal with the riff happening in our daily life I'm trying to also plan things that will hopefully bring us back together as a family. 

My big is about to start high school and I'm fully aware that this could be one of the last summers I can torture her with family activities.  I look at her and I wonder where the time has gone.  I wonder where I could have done better, where I could have stepped back, where I could have stepped in.  I don't know how to fix things.  Therein lies the problem - as a mom we think or want to fix everything.  I second guess all my decisions and worry like hell about them.  Par for the course huh?

Thursday, January 16, 2014

2014 Reading

Well for the last two year I've tried to reach 50 books and while I did get closer this past year I didn't reach my goal.  That is kinda disappointing so instead of setting a goal I'm just going to try and read as much as I can ..... hopefully this year I WILL reach my previous 50 books goal only because it was late in the year last year when I started going back to the library.  That and the fact that I finally figured out ebooks should be a big help.

If you have any suggestions, I'd love to hear them!

Books Read
1.  Christmas at Carrington's by Alexandra Brown
2.  Divergent Series (Book 1) - Veronica Roth
3.  Disconnected - Jennifer Weiner
4.  Whiskey Beach - Nora Robets
5.  Tonight and always - Nora Robets
6.  Insurgent - Veronica Roth
7.  Balancing it all - Candace Cameron Bure
8.  Shirley Jones Autobiography
9.  Divergent Series (Book 2 - Insurgent) - Veronica Roth
10.  Divergent Series (Book 3 - Allegiant) - Veronica Roth
11.  Tempting Fate - Jane Green
12.  Unlucky 13 - James Patterson
13.  Power Play - Danielle Steel
14.  When they first met - Debbie Macomber
15.  Heaven is for Real - Todd Burpo
16.  Growing up Duggar
17.  Tempting Fate - Jane Green
18.  All Fall Down -  Jennifer Weiner
19.  A Raisin in the Sun - Lorraine Hansberry

Currently Reading

Messy Beautiful Love - Darlene Schacht
Women Living Well - Courtney Joseph

Reading on the side

Boundaries with Teens - Dr. John Townsend
Have a new Teenager by Friday - Dr. Kevin Leman
Fighting For Your Marriage by Howard Markman

Up Next

Starting Next - Debbie Macomber
The Midwife of Hope River - Patricia Harman
The Vow - Kim Carpenter
Private Games - James Patterson
NYPD Red - James Patterson
Another Piece of my heart - Jane Green

Mothers and Other Liars by Amy Bourret
Imperfect, An Improbable Life by Jim Abbott.
The Peach Keeper by Sarah Addison Allen
Always Something There to Remind Me by Beth Harbison.
The Middle Place by Kelly Corrigan
The Divorce Party - Laura Dave
The First Husband - Laura Dave

The Four Agreements - Don Miguel Ruiz
The Go Giver - Bob Burg
Eat That Frog - Brian Tracy
Good to Great - Jim Collins
Exception Service, Exceptional Profit - Leonardo Inghilleri
Good Strategy Bad Strategy - Richard Rumelt